An optimist sees the glass as half full, a pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
The whinger sees their glass as half empty with a lipstick stain and a chip and tells you they’re not really thirsty anyway, so why’d you bring them a drink?
We wouldn’t want to live in a world where people didn’t have the chance to complain. It’s how things get done better, we give feedback and sometimes we can find the solutions.
We all know a chronic complainer: they send dishes back at a restaurant, complain it’s too hot in summer and too cold in winter, their boss is a tyrant, their partner’s lazy and the kids don’t come and visit any more. (I wonder why!)
For some people, it seems that no matter what good fortune life brings them, there will always be something that they cancomplain about.
Won Lotto? It’s a burden to manage the tax. Bought a new house on the beach? Everything rusts too fast.
It’s like we have a homeostasis for happiness – after we have recovered from the initial horror of a tough time or the joy of a good time, we end up pretty much back where we started with regards to our own happiness.
(This is true for those who have won huge Lotto payments – six months later many people are as happy as before the won the money).
It can be a real downer to be around chronic complainers.
Sometimes complainers just want to be heard and those around them are in the habit of not listening to them because they are “over it”.
It becomes a vicious cycle – the more people ignore them and their view that the world is unfair, the more they need to seek connection to others in the only way they know how – complaining!
Sometimes it’s possible forwhingers to break the habit.
They can realise their glass might actually be full (they only fill the glass up to the halfway line these days) and can be poured into another glass without any problem.
Tarnya Davis is currently on holidays. This is a ‘best of’ column. Tarnyais a clinical psychologistand principal of NewPsychPsychologists,newpsych南京夜网419论坛Her book of columns,All Things Considered, is on sale at theherald南京夜网419论坛